How To Get Your Name In The Headlines: Obscure Repub Edition

There are the big names one thinks of when they think of Republicans today. Those people matter either because of the current position they hold or because of their chances at a future current position. These are people like Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann, Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell, and yes, Karl Rove.

When you hear these names, it's because you've just heard them and will hear them again tomorrow. Those who don't make this cut are sidelines for a number of reasons. Either they're not important enough, or their important belongs more to yesterday.

CNN's Politics page seems to be splattered with insignificant people who've made big statements in an effort to beef up their public exposure. Well, here you go people, I'm exposing you.

Herman I-Wanna-Be-The-New-Token Cain Thinks Obama Should Be Impeached.

Pulling out the big guns a bit early, are we Herman? Who do you think you are? Rick Perry? You're no Rick Perry. Silly rabbit. Who do you think is going to reward you for such insolence?

Christine O'Donnell walked out on Piers Morgan and she is rightly being lambasted for it. I agree with this opinion piece wholeheartedly. What did she think she was going to be asked? Seriously, chick you're no Michelle Bachmann.

On to people who it does make sense to mention these days, and the old folks trapped in their headline by association...

Bill Clinton had the hots for Rick Perry

Maybe it's me, but I don't see it. I don't think Rick Perry is very good looking at all. All I can see is that large expanse of skin from his nose to his upper lip. It's like unkempt landscape over there. I love laugh lines, but his just look angry. His eyebrows don't suit his face, his ears are too big, and that old man loose skin flap threatening to hide the top of his collar is soooo icky. I'm just saying...

Bachmann screw up... oh hell everything. This time it's Elvis' birthday. I think all the people who think education sucks must be her biggest fan. It's totally fine to get everything wrong all the time because at least you're not an egghead. Is that the reasoning? Someone please explain to my why anyone cares what comes out of her mouth?

If my job was fact-checking this chick, I'd be rich! Rich!

Light Fare: Hugh Hefner's Love Life

I'm sure Hugh doesn't think his love life is light fare, but whatever, I call it like I see it. And the nuptials of a celebrity are light fare because I only care about this much.

That being sad I feel bad for Hef that he thought marrying a 25 year old was a good idea. Is she even really 25? She looks at least 30. So unless she's been smoking cigarettes for the last 10 years, I call bullshit. She's not 25.

Moving on. They were scheduled to get married June 18, 2011. The wedding got called off just days before in an amicable split. WTF, what's amicable about a gold-digging woman tricking some old man into falling for her and leaving him the day her single drops?

I will be genuinely shocked if her single, Club Queen, amounts to more than a one-hit wonder. That is assuming it will even be a hit.

She rode him (literally) to celebrity status and as soon as she had a guaranteed release for her song, she bailed. Now she's focusing on her music career? Good for her I guess. She actually has ambitions other than to be a reality TV star.

But I just feel some kind of way about a woman using this method to achieve her dreams. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I also have to wonder if the next woman Hef decides to marry will also be in her 20s. Yuck.

Did you know his oldest kid is 58 and the youngest is 9? Double yuck.

Read about their breakup here.

A Drunk Toddler At Applebee's

I'm stuck in the airport for a delayed flight and I'm watching HLN on the TV. There was just a news report on about a 15 month old baby who got drunk in an Applebee's.

Apparently, he was drinking from a sippy cup. But instead of apple juice, he had a margarita!

His parents didn't see any probs until the baby started saying hi and bye to the walls. The father took a drink from the cup then called over the manager. He smelled the cup and was like, "wow, what a mixup. There's nothing we can do besides apologize".

It was a mixup in the kitchen. And they apologized. The couple wasn't satisfied with that and called the cops. They took the baby's BAL and it was .10. Legal limit for adults is .08!

That damn baby would have gotten alcohol poisoning if he had finished the cup.

I have three questions.
1) what dummy in that kitchen puts a fucking margarita in a baby's sippy cup?
2)What dummy between those parents didn't notice their baby was getting lit?
3)Why did the manager say he couldn't do anything?! At least make their meal free and offer to immediately fire the person who almost killed their baby.


Seriously, lots of dummies involved. A margarita in a sippy cup? If that baby grows up to have poorly functioning kidneys/liver or a proclivity for alcoholism, all those dummies will be at fault.

Consequences For Your Actions, Charlie Sheen

I am once again talking about Charlie Sheen. Aside from the feelings I have about even discussing this topic, this is big national news for some reason, so here I am, adding to what will show up on your Google search for Charlie Sheen. Sigh.


At least  the only other post I've written about him compared his quotes to Glenn Beck and Muammar Qaddafi, so there was at least some world news stuff thrown in. At this time, I'm talking about the consequences of his actions. I can feel a bit better because I'm not simply re-reporting his antics.


I read an article on USAToday.com that Warner Bros. Fires Charles Sheen. I don't want some one's life to fall apart, but I do want there to be consequences for actions. I do want Charlie's Sheen current behavior to not be swept under a rug.


When you do that may batshit crazy, unable-to-be-understood interviews in such a short time, especially following his dramas with women and hotels in recent history, I look at it as a cry for help. This man needs help. So much help. Now that he has no livelihood, hopefully he can get it. And not his stay-at-home rehab. Some real help.


What will happen with Two and Half Men now that Sheen is out? I've got an idea I haven't heard tossed around. The young guy who used to be "half a man"? Yeah, he's old as hell now, let him be the other man and bring along another small child to be the next half. That way, there's some story growth that feels real. Bringing in a new cast member is easier when it's set in an office. Not so easy when it's set in a family.


But Warner Bros. pretty much has to finish this season and go all the way to May 2012. Or they could not finish this season and extend the length of next season. Either way, the shoe must go on. You can't sell syndication and not finish your show. I kind of look forward to seeing how Warner Bros. works this out now that Charlie Sheen isn't part of the story anymore.

Keith Olbermann's New Show

So Keith Olbermann isn't on MSNBC anymore. This isn't news. If you didn't know that, please remove your head from the sand. But he is going to have another show. On a network partly owned by a Democrat. Please, hold your appalled gasps til the end.


Here's why this is good news: all of his rant-y, liberal-ness will come brimming out without restraint. I know, I know, who would accuse Keith Olbermann of using restraint? But the truth is what he said went through a filter, albeit it one with huge holes.


So I'm only posting this to express how I am on the edge of my seat waiting for his new show. I'm praying that by the time it is on the air, I have a job and therefore the money to pay to get the cable channel that his show will be on.


I bet the network will be so green. Green as environmentally friendly, not necessarily wet behind the ears.


But in case you are like me and were jonesing for a Keith Olbermann fix, there is a blog that has all of what you would get on his show. There's even a Worst Persons In The World posting almost daily. At the top of the page it says "The Official Not-For-Profit Blog Of Keith Olbermann". Here it is.


I wonder is there a for-profit blog with even better content? I dunno. But the angry Democrat is me is currently yet only momentarily soothed.

The Dancing With Stars Cast For Winter/Spring 2011

I love Dancing With The Stars. This is Season 12 and I've been watching since... hmmm... I think Season 4 maybe. I did watch part of Season 2 to witness the horrible-ness that was Master P's dancing. No, the first full season I watched was Season 5. That was when Helio Castroneves won. He was so great in that Yellow Banana suit. Sexy man. But I digress.


This is a show I love and will probably blog about throughout the season. I even watched the Bachelor last night to see the cast announcement live. I mean, I had the show on mute while I was on the phone with my boyfriend Easy, but still my eyeballs were on the tv occasionally.


I'm looking forward to this season just like I always have since I began watching the show. I love that you get to see a side of these people that can't be PR'd or engineered. You can pretend for a while but your true colors always come out (I'm looking at you Kate Gosselin). Perfect example, I got to see Bristol Palin. I realize that I actually really like her personality, well about as much as I can like anyone who's just a naturally quiet person. But I also learned that she's self-righteous and kind of a jerk. But she's still a kid, perhaps she'll grow out of it.


But enough waxing about contestants past, it's time to talk about the new contestants! There are 11 of them. Less than the large numbers the cast has had before, but I'm betting that has to do with the number of episodes they're having and maybe a desire to avoid double eliminations. We'll see.


Name: Sugar Ray Leonard, age 54
Why Her/Him?: There's always athlete. Usually football or basketball, I guess they wanted to branch out. Maybe he's taking the Oympic athlete spot that is usually there.
Where You Have Heard Of Them Before: He's the Welterweight Champion of the world. Plus, he's won titles in like five weight classes.
Why I'm Glad He's/She's On The Show: Because they always have a black man who should be able to dance but may or may not have the skills. I'm dying to know if he has the skills.


Name: Chelsea Kane, age 22
Why Her/Him?: This trend of having now-grown-up Disney stars continues. She's cute, freshly sexy, and prolly can dance her ass off. Just like Monique, Sabrina, and Kyle.
Where You Have Heard Of Them Before: Diney Channel, duh.
Why I'm Glad He's/She's On The Show: I'm not. I don't watch Disney that much anymore so I've never heard of or seen this chick before. I guess she's after my time. I'm not old!



Name: Romeo (Miller), age 21
Why Her/Him?: Having a young(ish) non-Disney star is a new trend, but I like it! Plus, he's Master P's (from Season 2) son. This show loves that type of combo. They usually do it with couples, but multiple generations works too.
Where You Have Heard Of Them Before:  He's a rapper. He used to be Lil Romeo. He dropped the "Lil" in a Soldier Boy song from 2009.
Why I'm Glad He's/She's On The Show: He'll make up for the horrible-ness that his father exhibited on the show. And he's about making that money! Why else would he be on DWTS? And how sexy is he? So sexy.


Name: Ralph Macchio, age 49
Why Her/Him?: Because Jennifer Gray was such a hit, they're trying the 80s thing again.
Where You Have Heard Of Them Before: The Karate Kid. Or if you missed the 80s, Hilda's boyfriend on Ugly Betty.
Why I'm Glad He's/She's On The Show: Because they're finally doing his makeup in a way that makes him look attractive, at least so far. And I'm hoping he can really dance.
 


Name: Petra Nemcova, age 31
Why Her/Him?: They usually have a model on the show, working or former. She fits the bill. And if she makes it to the end, she has a great story about a dead fiance.
Where You Have Heard Of Them Before: She's a model. And she did the cover of Sports Illustrated Swimwuit Edition.
Why I'm Glad He's/She's On The Show: I'm not, I've never heard of this chick. I hope she's used her muscles at some point before this show began.


Name: Kendra Wilkinson, age 25
Why Her/Him?: They already had one bunny, why not get another. Pretty soon they'll have all the playboy bunnies who do reality tv. But yeah, she's the token reality star this season. I shouldn't say token, that's rude. Some people wouldn't watch tv without reality shows. DWTS is a reality show. Whatever.
Where You Have Heard Of Them Before: She has a show, Kendra: Bunny Next Door. I think that's what it's called.
Why I'm Glad He's/She's On The Show: That first bunny had so much plastic surgery she couldn't dance (I call it Kim Kardashian syndrome even though she came later). I'm hoping this bunny will break that trend.


Name: Hines Ward, age 34
Why Her/Him?: See, no one seriously thought the stupid Packers were gonna win Super Bowl XLV (45)! But he is the amazing winning football player they usually have. He was even MVP back in '06.
Where You Have Heard Of Them Before: Uh, amazing football player, duh.
Why I'm Glad He's/She's On The Show: So cute. Culturally diverse. Margaret Cho shouldn't be the most diverse person on the show to date (double minority; Asian and gay). This guy is multi-racial. Plus he has a hell of a story to tell about his upbringing if he makes it to the end.


Name: Mike Catherwood, age 31 (but will have birthday during season)
Why Her/Him?:  Um, I don't know. He's a radio star, whatever.
Where You Have Heard Of Them Before: Um... radio... He hosts a show called Loveline. Whatever.
Why I'm Glad He's/She's On The Show: Can you tell I'm not glad? Who is this guy? At least he's attractive.


 
 
 
Name: Wendy Williams, age 46
Why Her/Him?: Folks love her. Her talk show and radio show are super popular
Where You Have Heard Of Them Before: TV, radio, constant appearance's on Daniel Fishels The Dish.
Why I'm Glad He's/She's On The Show: I'm not. I'll be surprised if the drag-queen lookng chick takes this seriosuly or can even dance. How will they design (I said design, not style), her massive weave?


 
 
Name: Chris Jericho (Chrisopher Keith Irvine), age 40
Why Her/Him?: I don't know. I don't remember there being a wrestler and they've already covered sports and reality tv. Maybe they were short on guys.
Where You Have Heard Of Them Before: He's freaking Chris Jericho. Every boy you know probably owns his action figure. Even if you don't like professional wrestling, you should have heard of this guy. Oh maybe that's why they put him on the show.
Why I'm Glad He's/She's On The Show: Cause he's cute and maybe he can dance. Plus, it's kind of like when they had that dude Steve-O from Jackass on the show. He turned out to be really sweet.


Name: Kirstie Alley, age 60
Why Her/Him?:  More 80's love? Plus she used to be a model. Plus she's kind of fat. They always have a bigger woman on the show. Plus she had a reality show. Plus she's kind of old. Lots of good reasons based on the types of cast members they like to have.
Where You Have Heard Of Them Before: Cheers, Playboy Bunny, Jenny Craig commercials.
Why I'm Glad He's/She's On The Show: She will slim down a lot and do like Marie Osmond did, claim the weight loss food is why her body looks so great. Plus, I bet she can dance. And they'll probably make Corky her partner. Love him!


What category did they miss? I don't think they did. Athlete, model, actor, Disney star, music star. Oh I know! They don't have anyone from the media or politics. There's usually one serious person. I guess Petra Nemcova covers that bill. She wasn't even at the announcement because she was off giving a speech at the UN. I guess that means she'll be with Derrick so he can bring out her fun side. If she's with Max or Mark, she'll be too boring.


Be sure to watch on ABC and also vote at abc.com. That is, if you actually care about this, yet another reality tv competition. But this is something that I love. I used to watch the ballroom dancing competitions on WTTW Channel 11 when I was a kid. Seriously, I did that instead of Saturday morning cartoons. So don't judge me.